Storytime: badtrip #2

Summer of 2019. I recently met two girls. I still didn’t trust them, they weren’t my girl friends, just people I know. We used to smoke before, several times, so it wasn't an exceptional time - we smoked in the room, we did hotbox.

One girl was saying something and she said the word “function”. To me, that word seemed completely nonsense, out of the context of the sentence, so I began to laugh like crazy.

I was so engrossed in laughter that I seemed to be screaming laughing out of all my lungs for all eternity. There was no way I could stop, I even fell on the ground. I laughed and I laughed, to tears. And I kept saying, “What? Function? Why did you say that? Hahaha “Function ?! Hahaha ”. I was laughing so hard, my stomach started to hurt, I even couldn't properly breathe.

My brain realized it is not funny here at all, no one is laughing with me and I am just stoned. Then I realized I needed to stop because there would be no end here. It was very hard, but I closed my eyes and tried to calm down, I still giggled, but I really tried my hardest, I was fighting a very strong funny high. Finally, I felt very in control of myself, though my facial muscles and desire to laugh were very much against it. I felt defeated by my inner self. I finally stopped laughing completely and became more serious. I just managed to get serious - the bad trip started.

It comes to me suddenly and clearly like never before that they want to kill me. I was so convinced that they were making some kind of plan, trapping me, that they wanted to hurt me. The biggest paranoia in the world came to me, I started to tear both inside and out. I started talking to myself, I seem to be going crazy. I did not stop blaming them, I kept repeating “what kind of plan are you making here? What are you going to do? You liars, liars, I don't understand what did I do? Why are you such a bad people? My God. How naive I am, how stupid I am. I believed in you. I trusted you." I didn’t stop talking. They tried to calm me down, to convince me that they are not going to do anything to me. I started crying hysterically because everything seemed so scary to me.

To me, the whole atmosphere looked like a horror movie, very dark green, almost black color. I picked up my shoes, all shivering and scared to death, I didn’t even manage to put them on. I was running through the door, I already wanted to run home, but I suddenly stopped -

I couldn’t believe they weren't catching me, not even trying to stop me, even though I’m so stoned and not okay. Then I began to doubt my mind and eyes, I closed my eyes and tried to delve into myself, I started believing that this is not real-world, I am just imagining things. I thought that in reality my new friends are actually stopping me and trying to help me but I do not see them or feel them. I tried to calm myself down, and understand what was really going on. Because I was so confused, so scared, not in that world. Everything scared me, I panicked, my heart seemed to jump out of my chest.

I thought I’m just dreaming and living an unreal life. I went back, opened the door, and shouted throughout the room, "I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON." And I fell to the ground crying. They come to me, they started to calm me down, to tell me common memories, how much I mean to them, and how much they care about me and I am making everything up, my suspicions are not real. It all reminded me of a nightmare, I looked them in the eye, their eyes were the eyes of a fox, so cunning and lying. As they talked to me, they quickly looked at each other. Several times. Of course, I noticed that.

I tried to see the deception. I came to a mirror, tried to pinch myself, to drink a lot of water, I tried to put my fingers in my throat, I thought maybe I would vomit what poisoned me.

Then it started seeming like my sugar was falling down every second. (I have diabetes). So I was feeling like I will die soon. I started shouting “food! Food !! Food !!!! My sugar !!!! ”. So I panicked, inhumanly, it seemed I was about to lose consciousness, I sat on the bed, and I thought THAT'S IT. This is the end. My head is so dizzy, my hands are trembling. They quickly brought me a peach, I swallowed it like a mad beast.

When I ate, I realized I was crazy. I was convinced that I am crazy and I will be crazy tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and all the rest of the day until I die.

I started overthinking: "what about my goals ?? How's my potential ?? What will my parents think of me dying from the weed?? I started to rethink my whole life, I couldn’t stop shaking. Because there was such nonsense in my head, I was convinced that I was crazy and there was no going back.

My friend put me to bed, she tried to calm me down, she promised that "tomorrow everything will be fine, you will see". I was so scared to sleep with them, but I was too drained, tired, and tortured that I didn’t even have the strength to fight anymore. I asked my friend "do you promise that everything will be fine tomorrow? Everything as before? Will I not be dead or crazy? ”

She promised me and I felt asleep.

After this event, for 3 days I couldn't believe what happened. I couldn't believe that it is possible to have such a badtrip because of weed. For 3 days I was convinced that I oversmoked, now I am laying in the hospital, my parents are disappointed and my unconscious brain is creating the reality I am "living" now.