Storytime: badtrip #1

Trigger warning.

The scariest night of my life. I literally consider myself a survivor

2020 summer. I met with the girl I know and the other 4 more guys. They weren't my close friends, I barely knew them and of course, I didn't really trust them. I think that was a big red flag first of all. We went to someone's apartment. After that, they rolled a big joint and we decided to go towards the sea and smoke along the way. I remember we came to Birutė Park in Palanga, at first we walked on a gravel road (about 5 minutes) and then into the forest (I thought this forest was way smaller, later I realized that it was not). It was already dark, they were shining with flashlights. I didn’t look at the road very much, didn't pay too much attention, I was talking with someone so I didn't really remember the way back home. But I didn't overthink too much at that time because we planned to go straight to the seaside and stay together. So I was just following them. As far back as I can remember, it seems like we weren’t deep in the woods, we walked for around 5 minutes. (this part is very important for the rest of this story because as you understood, the way wasn't that complicated).

We stopped at the bench in the forest of the park and sat down. Some guys were sitting on the bench, and the girl and I were sitting on the ground with others. It was one of the first times I smoked without my ex (I think that was the second huge red flag because she was the only person who could calm me down when I am paranoid, no one can calm me down like that).

I only had 3 puffs and the story began. Things were starting to look weird to me. I sat on the ground and I felt like I was starting to be afraid of everything, I was feeling growing paranoia, and fear (this was very usual for me), and all the things around me started to look fake. I started to overthink: where is my home, what I will do if I don't know the way back, it's already dark, I'll get lost, my phone will die, what they think about me, I am very silent I guess they think that I am weird, I will look stupid if I tell them that I am having a paranoia ” and so so many more thoughts. Full of thoughts were in my mind, I couldn’t calm down, and my palms started sweating, my heart was beating so fast, that I struggle to breathe and talk.

I saw them laughing and having a great time there, and I was silent and couldn’t say anything. I was wondering what they are thinking of me that I sit and say nothing? Maybe they think something bad about me? I was so ashamed to sit next to them. They scared me, darkness scared me, those trees, everything looked like a horror movie. Seconds felt like an eternity, I couldn’t wait to get from here to the sea. But I was very ashamed to ask them something, I couldn’t force myself to talk. I was asked something about some kind of author, "This is your favorite author, Emilija, huh?". I was able to respond with something like “aha”. My voice was sooo awkward, I died inside. For 10 minutes I was thinking about going home, what to tell them? Just stand up and walk away ?? I didn’t trust anyone from here, I couldn’t tell anyone how I really felt because I didn’t want them to think that they need to look after me or to take me home. I felt forced and trapped in this situation.

Finally, I stood up and said I was going home. And I walked that way where I thought is my house. I turned on the phone's flashlight. There was a small path I had to walk to get out of the woods. And suddenly my phone died. I find myself in darkness, I couldn't see anything, I couldn't see pits, branches, tree trunks. I started to panic. I run forward, somewhere, I don’t know where the house is, or straight, or right, or left. I realized that I am in the middle of nowhere. "That's it. Game over for me, I am so lost, I will not return home, I will be missing, who will call the police". I started shouting my friend's name all over the forest.

I heard someone respond. I run towards their voices, relying only on my instincts. My heart beats like crazy, I am crying, and I run as far as I can. I finally see their light. I ran out of breath, saying that my phone had run out. I asked if they have something to borrow. They gave me a pocket spotlight. I took a deep breath because I thought everything would be fine now. I turn my way again to go home.

But I was so stoned af that I didn't understand anything. I walked that little road, but somehow I started to get lost again. It seemed that the road began to intersect with another road, instead of one becoming several. It seemed that I am walking on the forest road, but after a few minutes, I realize that I am on the grass and I can't find the road which leads out of the forest. I literally got lost. There was no light between the trunks, no exit. I WAS LOST IN THE FOREST IN THE DARK, ALONE AND STONED. The scariest and strongest paranoia started.

It seems that I ran through the woods, in the dark, into the unknown for half an hour. I started crying hysterically because I understood one thing clearly: that's it. something very bad will happen to me tonight. This is the game over to me. I am fucked up. Today will be the night that will change my life forever. I was running nonstop and thinking "You will not return home, something bad will happen, some misfortune. Someone will have to call the police and report that I am missing". I was so sure about that.

Therefore, only my survival instinct worked. SURVIVAL. I even peed my pants running out of fear. I was in the woods for a very long time. I didn't see an exit anywhere.

After a while, I ran out of the woods, on some wide gravel road. I sighed because I thought this was Birutė Park. While I was running, I did not see any familiar place, there were no benches, no lamps, and no people at all. NOTHING, Just the woods, and this gravel road. I felt like this is a movie about a zombie apocalypse when the main character tries to find at least one person but is empty everywhere. I ran for a while, I didn’t know where. I saw a flower garden that was similar to that one I know, in Birutė Park. I breathed in because I thought that after 5 minutes I should reach the main Vytautas street. But I walked for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, then I ran, that gravel road didn’t end, it didn’t lead anywhere. The whole time I was so paranoid, I was so overwhelmed by inhuman fear, stress, and paranoia, I did not stop crying for a second.

I finally ran on some kind of wide road, I didn’t even have an idea whether to run left or right. I ran to the left by my intuition. I ran down the street without stopping, finally saw a taxi for the first time, and straightened my thumb - I wanted to stop the car, I ran into the street, almost in front of the car, but it was full of people, so they passed by. This place was so strange: car highway and surrounding forests, I have never been in a place like that. I started praying to God to find at least one building, a man, at least one familiar place, I really needed help.

I ran through empty spaces, through fields, and saw some buildings, they reminded me of hotels with parking lots. I ran into the parking lot and started checking the windows, maybe someone was sitting inside. I felt so desperate that I even wanted to meet the police to take me home, I was ready to tell them everything that was going on. Because it was REALLY THE truest nightmare. Everything seemed unfamiliar to me, far from the city, it was night, and I was alone and stoned. I don’t know how long I ran, the place was so strange because they seemed to be standing alone in the empty field. I tried to look through the closed door, maybe the administration was there, but everything was closed.

I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHERE AM I. For me, it started to look like a dream, a ridiculous game where all the people were actors and they closed everything on purpose. Even the lights were turned off. I thought I am going crazy.

Finally, I ran into some sort of gardens. In the backyard of the first garden, some elderly Russian men and women were sitting. They were sitting at the table in the middle of the yard and drinking. I came to them, all shivering and trembling. I asked for help, I said I was lost, I don’t know where my house is, maybe they can check Google Maps and help me. And one of the men came up to me. The first thing I saw was his shirt: a polo shirt, with a shirt badge. Since I was overwhelmed with paranoia, and I was overthinking everything: I was so sure that now I am going talk to the police. I was beaten by cold sweat… I told him my address, he looked through google maps. I no longer remember where my home was or what the distance was. All I know is that I ran quite far, not in that direction at all. He tried to explain the direction to me, but I couldn’t go any further: I knew I would get lost anyway. I asked if they could give me a lift home.

"All right, get in the car."

I sat down. Two drunk men sat down in front. They said to me, "Don't pay attention, we're a little drunk."

You know, when things like this happen, of course, you are scared but I was fighting my biggest paranoia in my head the whole time. I was scared to death. I can not describe it, It was above the human limit.

The end. We will have a car accident. I won't survive. But I couldn’t get out of the car because I had no other choice. I sat in the car.

The worst part was that they started flirting with me, they asked for my number, and I literally felt wet under me. I looked out the window, trying to recognize at least one place: nothing. We drove through the woods. I was sure that this was GAME OVER. They are going to rape me. But I didn't cry, because I had already reconciled about my fate - tomorrow I will be gone. I think this is the moment in my life when I looked death into the eyes and accepted everything that is happening. I believed it with all my heart.

I saw a group of people walking down the sidewalk through the window. The first thought suddenly came to my mind: I NEED TO JUMP OUF OR THE CAR NOW. IF I WILL NOT JUMP- I WILL GET IN A CAR ACCIDENT OR THEY WILL RAPE ME. This is the second when I placed my hands on the door handle and I was about to jump.

But thanks God, I saw the Maxima - the shop near my house. And I realized I was home. I couldn’t believe I was at home. Suddenly I jumped out of the car, I had to meet at least one person - whether familiar or unfamiliar - and tell them everything at once. What happened.

Two unfamiliar girls were sitting next to the house, I told them everything in a few seconds. I was shaking so much. Then I climbed the stairs and I saw my ex sitting at the door and worrying about me. I was gone for the whole night. When she saw me, she said she had only one thought in her mind: she had been raped by someone. She said she was absolutely convinced of that because I looked death scared: I was shaking, I was crying, I couldn’t catch my breath. She hugged me and was asking who did that? who? who? tell me. I couldn’t say anything, I was just shaking my head and cried. I couldn't say a word.

After this event, for 3 days I couldn't believe what happened. I couldn't believe that it is possible to have such a badtrip because of weed. For 3 days I was convinced that I oversmoked, now I am laying in the hospital, my parents are disappointed and my unconscious brain is creating the reality I am "living" now.

2 years passed, and I haven't touched this shit. I am still having nightmares, I am so afraid of men, and unfamiliar places. I think this trauma is forever. Don't smoke weed kids.